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I can't decide if i want to go out or not. What i really want to do is to stay in with you. Watch a movie and talk about it. Talk about life, about when i am soon there. What we're going to do. I want you to say "I love you" and then i answer "I love you" and after one second of silence i say "too" because that's what you always wanted me to say.

I want to try to cheer you up because you are ill. I want to talk about us, how great it's going to be when i get there but people like me never get what they want. I miss you so much, my heart brakes everytime i remind myself about how i lost you. I failed yet again.. now you're only a friend. 

I think i will love you forever and it hurts in me.