I blame everything on myself
Those moments when it hits you in the speed of light right in the chest. Those moments when it hurts and you can't swallow because the tears want to come out. I did this. It was all my fault. I wish i was unable to look back. Why do i get myself pulled in to the tears and agony. Hopefully i'll feel better in a while again.
Is this how my new life will start or will it as always just crumble right before my eyes? What if this is just a fictional disguise my head has made for me to keep me sort of.. i can't say happy.. but less miserable? It makes me scared to think about certain things like.. will i just walk in to another trap. A fast solution to a problem that will last. What if he never goes away? If he stays in me like acid that just corrodes inside of me until i die.
Am i really, really still this naive? Please my future me.. remember that the block of ice you're carrying around can melt as fast as the icicles hanging of the roof in front of you. Don't ever let anyone in ever again.