Kill me
Feels like a fire that burns in my heart
Every single moment that we spend apart
I need you around for every day to start
I haven’t left you alone
Something about you, starin' in your eyes
Everything I’m looking for I seem to find
All this time away is killing me inside
I need your love in my life
I wanna spend time till it end
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did when we first met
I wanna fall with you again
Fought in a battle, but nobody won
Left ourselves a mountain to be overcome
You can’t run away, the past is said and done
I need us to carry on
Every single moment that we spend apart
I need you around for every day to start
I haven’t left you alone
Something about you, starin' in your eyes
Everything I’m looking for I seem to find
All this time away is killing me inside
I need your love in my life
I wanna spend time till it end
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did when we first met
I wanna fall with you again
Fought in a battle, but nobody won
Left ourselves a mountain to be overcome
You can’t run away, the past is said and done
I need us to carry on
If you die
I believe I could get through it
I could even get into it
But only you can make me do it
And if there is disease in you
I want to have that disease too
`Cause I want everything
That is inside you
If there is disease in you
I want to have that disease too
`Cause if you´d die
Then I should die beside you
I could even get into it
But only you can make me do it
And if there is disease in you
I want to have that disease too
`Cause I want everything
That is inside you
If there is disease in you
I want to have that disease too
`Cause if you´d die
Then I should die beside you
I will be here waiting
Then.. there where wild strawberries and bluebells. I picked them for you. They reprecentet my heart and you where the flowers.. even thought a few of the flowers where drowned in wild strawberries.. they where there. They made the wild ones to keep on living..
and now.. the same wild strawberries frozen to death just like your love to me. How i wish i've been better.. been the one you deserve. If i would ever get to hold you in my heart again with your approval i would never hurt you again.. i never meant to hurt you in the first place. I'm so sorry my love.. i will always be here for you.
and now.. the same wild strawberries frozen to death just like your love to me. How i wish i've been better.. been the one you deserve. If i would ever get to hold you in my heart again with your approval i would never hurt you again.. i never meant to hurt you in the first place. I'm so sorry my love.. i will always be here for you.
Kristall
I'm sorry it seemed like i didn't care. I'm sorry i was troubling you with my problems. I cried with you that night... again. I am really sorry.
Now your bowl is empty
And your feet are cold
And your body cannot stop rocking
I know
It hurts to let go
Since the day we found you
You have been our friend
And your voice still
Echoes in the hallway of this house
But now
It's the end
We will be with you
When you're leaving
We will be with you
When you go
We will be with you
And hold you till you're quiet
It hurts to let you go
We will be with you
You will stay with us
Banana...
What's the use of anything anymore? I have nothing to look forward to. My loan will probably be cancelled and i will have to stay here. I can't stand this pain. I do nothing. I play Guild Wars 2 with my hateobject (you know who you are you fucking idiot <3), eat, cry, sleep, wake up, cry.
I just wanted to be happy and i thought i could be that with him but he's gone.. he is so gone. We never spoke because of her even though i got promised we would. This is probably the deepest pain i have been in. Seeing someone you love just go trought life while having a great time without you. I wish i could be happy for him but i can't because i still love him.
Rules for the future
1. Don't let anybody in your heart.
2. Don't look in your closet. You will see the flag, you will be reminded of him on the fragrance. Most likely kill yourself this time.
3. Keep hurting yourself if you need to.
4. Don't loose hope. Hope is the last thing that leaves the body. Maybe you'll meet him in a year or so.. and you could try again.
I just wanted to be happy and i thought i could be that with him but he's gone.. he is so gone. We never spoke because of her even though i got promised we would. This is probably the deepest pain i have been in. Seeing someone you love just go trought life while having a great time without you. I wish i could be happy for him but i can't because i still love him.
Rules for the future
1. Don't let anybody in your heart.
2. Don't look in your closet. You will see the flag, you will be reminded of him on the fragrance. Most likely kill yourself this time.
3. Keep hurting yourself if you need to.
4. Don't loose hope. Hope is the last thing that leaves the body. Maybe you'll meet him in a year or so.. and you could try again.
How to basic
Garbage
I never thought it would come to this. It's making me so sad. This was one of my favoritesongs and now it's just garbage breaking my heart each time someone plays it.
Hit me
Woke up 17:00ish. It didn't work beeing awake the whole night and day trying to fix my sleeping. I don't even like sleeping. The dreams are so real.. maybe because tonight i dreamt that i was going to shower and for some reason someone had to shower with me. I was just standing there like the cow i am trying to hide my body. I hate showers, it means you have to get undressed. I try not to look at myself.
I fixed my grades today. To be honest i don't know if i want to go. I will be scared of seeing him on the street with his arms wrapped around her. It would probably kill me. I still want to meet him.. but not when he is with someone else. I will probably just cry the entire time wondering why i can't be the one to hold and kiss him. I really do miss him.. like i said a hundreds of times before. I never thought he would leave. Not after all the things we manage to go trought and we still sat there miles away from eachother each night saying goodnight, telling how much we loved eachother. All the fights, all the tears, all the pain of not beeing able to hold you. Everytime i went to bed, i went to bed with you. You was my only hope of ever having someone love me and you managed me to love you back.. and i ruined it.
I make myself disgusted in so many ways but letting you go is the worst one of them. Hit me hard with a shovel and make me forget.
I fixed my grades today. To be honest i don't know if i want to go. I will be scared of seeing him on the street with his arms wrapped around her. It would probably kill me. I still want to meet him.. but not when he is with someone else. I will probably just cry the entire time wondering why i can't be the one to hold and kiss him. I really do miss him.. like i said a hundreds of times before. I never thought he would leave. Not after all the things we manage to go trought and we still sat there miles away from eachother each night saying goodnight, telling how much we loved eachother. All the fights, all the tears, all the pain of not beeing able to hold you. Everytime i went to bed, i went to bed with you. You was my only hope of ever having someone love me and you managed me to love you back.. and i ruined it.
I make myself disgusted in so many ways but letting you go is the worst one of them. Hit me hard with a shovel and make me forget.
Anxiety
I'm having a horrible anxiety attack as i am typing. It has calmed down a bit but it's still here. I am so fucking scared. I want to call you so you can calm me down and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I hate myself.. why did i do this.. why didn't i listen. I thought you'd always be there for me. I miss you so much right now. I don't know what to do. I just want this hell on earth to go away. I fucking need you! I love you...
Every single day about 30 times a day
1. Log on to what once was my favorite game of all times.
2. Getting a feeling of anxiety and regret because i log on.
3.Character selection. No mail.
4. Quit game.
5. Cry.
I don't even know why i want mail. Maybe it's because i somehow think that it will be a good mail this time.. like "I miss you.. I am sorry. I will meet you at the airport.. hold you and never let you go."
My biggest fear is that it's going to be words of hatred and anger. That it will be something like "I never loved you. I love her and we are engaged. Doesn't that show how much i cared about you?"
Well... actually that last part is quite accurate and of course it cuts on me like a million razorblades. I just wish that he could understand why i need him so much.
Fuck you Bluebell.. nothing is the same without you. Everything i read, everything i hear is about you.. and everyone i see is you untill they turn around.
2. Getting a feeling of anxiety and regret because i log on.
3.Character selection. No mail.
4. Quit game.
5. Cry.
I don't even know why i want mail. Maybe it's because i somehow think that it will be a good mail this time.. like "I miss you.. I am sorry. I will meet you at the airport.. hold you and never let you go."
My biggest fear is that it's going to be words of hatred and anger. That it will be something like "I never loved you. I love her and we are engaged. Doesn't that show how much i cared about you?"
Well... actually that last part is quite accurate and of course it cuts on me like a million razorblades. I just wish that he could understand why i need him so much.
Fuck you Bluebell.. nothing is the same without you. Everything i read, everything i hear is about you.. and everyone i see is you untill they turn around.
People always leave
I really don't blame people for leaving. It hurts, it does. I guess i should be used to it already. I wonder how long it will take for you too leave aswell. It's like my ability to make new friends are gone. I have three friends in real life. Even if we haven't met in ages and then meet, it's like they never left.
I really don't like to be this person but i really don't think you can just choose happiness that simple as other people can. You broke up with your girlfriend? Get a new, better one. Simple as that. I will never be able to understand how people works. Happy people so to speak. Careless people who never think of anything but fucking their girlfriend or boyfriend. People always hides away from the darkness. They never really want to feel it. They hang out with their mates trying to forget things that are bad. Taking drugs because it numbs or whatever.
I just can't hide away from the darkness. It lives side by side with me. It's always there. The one i love used to make the pain go away a bit. I actually considered myself happy at one point. When he was there my anxiety slowly faded away. Then he got another girlfriend and i had to run to the toilet to throw up. As i said before.. i never thought he would leave me. Then again.. people always leave.
I really don't want the only one i speak to anymore to leave. But i know it will happen sooner or later. I guess i should be glad that he even wants to talk to me after everything he must have heard from others. I like the fact that he's not a happy person and not even trying to be one.
Happiness is lies but yet.. i'm still waiting for someone that has left me for somebody else. I'm stupid and naive.
I really don't like to be this person but i really don't think you can just choose happiness that simple as other people can. You broke up with your girlfriend? Get a new, better one. Simple as that. I will never be able to understand how people works. Happy people so to speak. Careless people who never think of anything but fucking their girlfriend or boyfriend. People always hides away from the darkness. They never really want to feel it. They hang out with their mates trying to forget things that are bad. Taking drugs because it numbs or whatever.
I just can't hide away from the darkness. It lives side by side with me. It's always there. The one i love used to make the pain go away a bit. I actually considered myself happy at one point. When he was there my anxiety slowly faded away. Then he got another girlfriend and i had to run to the toilet to throw up. As i said before.. i never thought he would leave me. Then again.. people always leave.
I really don't want the only one i speak to anymore to leave. But i know it will happen sooner or later. I guess i should be glad that he even wants to talk to me after everything he must have heard from others. I like the fact that he's not a happy person and not even trying to be one.
Happiness is lies but yet.. i'm still waiting for someone that has left me for somebody else. I'm stupid and naive.
Things
The greatest lies ever told
1. I will love you forever.
2. I am never drinking again!
3. I hate this retarded piece of shit game!!! I am never playing it again!!!
Idiotic sayings
1. Time heals a broken heart.
Why: It is pure bullshit. The wounds that will be created trough massive torture and pain will never heal. They will try but as soon as you think about that person who created them they will start to bleed. Time has nothing to do with love. If you truly love somebody then you will stay heartbroken for all eternity.
2. People change. Feelings change.
Why: People don't just change like that. Maybe you let yourself believe that you loved that person? Maybe you did love her/him. If you did. Deep down you still do and you will always crave that love you once had. Maybe you found somebody new wich means that you're still living in your past relationship. You think you feel love between you and him/her. It's only ghost feelings.
3. If you love someone, let him/her go. If he/she comes back to you, your love was meant to be.
Why: BULL FUCKING SHIT! If he/she leaves he/she never loved you. Maybe he/she tought that he/she did but really it was only lies in the back of the head.
4. Love is the most beautiful thing in the universe.
Why: Just trust me on this one. You will get your heart broken. The walls you built and the guardians of your heart are all idiots. The one who manage to brake in to your heart will never leave your heart. You will just trap him/her there for all eternity and you will have to know every single day that the one you love doesn't think about you like you think of him/her. He/She is probably sitting right at this moment figuring out what to do for his/her new love on valentines day. He/She does not give a shit about you anymore and he/she never will!